SOOT STAINS by Abby Jean

March 4, 2018 11:44

Recently.
You know.
Recently you’ve been haunting my visions.
Don’t ask me why?
I didn’t bring you up.
Unintentional.
Would rather not revive past emotional.
Preferably… reasonably…
But my meditation’s unconventional.
Ruthlessly shameless, fearless.
On a level of the molecular.
Those tiny fuckers runnin’ the show.
As I sit squirmy as the spectator.
Tip-toeing around Hater.
Finding you filed away in Later.
Now my visions turned to thoughts.
Thoughts to wonders…
Questions…
I start to remember the start.
Do I hold you there I wonder?
Have I imprisoned you into that memory?
Imprisoned you to that person you were right then?
I see you still.
Clear as day.
From the days we would sway.
So short-lived, those moments.
The passion was so fierce.
I’m stained from the soot I suppose.
Soot prints are long-lived.

DUCKING LOVE by Abby Jean

Dec 4 ’17

Never had someone study me like he.
Catch my small things.
Movements.
Mutters.
Call them out.
So close he watches me.
Analyzes me.
Studies me.
Calls me out.
Makes me look at me.
From… out there.
Tells me he,
“Wants to continue to know more about me.”
That I, that I “intrigue” he.
Fuck.
Here we go… I’m stuck.
The usual… Fuck.
Feelings feel and I gotta duck?
Shiiiiiit.
I start to lose my shit, legit.
Swallowing feelings really fuckin sucks.
He gets me? I dunno.
He catches my vibe at least?
At least he confirmed he knows…
I’m a crazy bitch.
And he still moves close, closer.
Like a wild beast.
Unafraid and daring.
I saw his eyes……. His eyes read deep.
Tattoos……. Tattoos deeper than deep.
Hm.
Calm to frustration.
Frustration to calm.
Flat palm to fist.
Fist to flat palm.
Breathe in Abby………. Exhale, slow…
Damn.
This set up’s just wrong!
It’s not that I need him.
Don’t need him, nor him, nor him.
I don’t even know him.
I’m just repetitively frustrated.
By this repetitive system.
Fucking, repetitive system.
It’s boring………. af.
I want to build.
Seems the heaven’s forbid.
Instead gracing me with,
This cycle of “dating.”
The stuck at “dating.”
The stuck at fucking….. Fucking.
Come fuck me.
Great, now that crosses my mind.
I want him to fuck me.
I want him all as mine.
Greedy………. af.
“Here you go”, say the angels, “Here’s a next one for you.”
“How lovely,” I say back, “How lovely, thank you.”
Then I meet and I sway.
Dirty dance the night away.
Fall in Love, ohhh my favourite.
Stay calm… it’s only for the day.
Tsk, tsk.
Better brush any of those, feely feelings away.
Can’t keep him.
He’s just another one.
He’s not a one and only.
He ain’t into it… not right now.
This is only for the day.
Or the day of the next day we fuck.
Love.
I know he felt the frequency.
I felt him duck.
Love.
Fuck.
Everlasting, effortless Love.
Natural Love.
Allowing Love.
Where the fuck art thou…
For now I’ll take he.
However he comes at me.
The partial he.
I’ll take it.
Naturally.

LONE WOLF by Abby Jean

06-27-17
He said, “I’d rather be left in the dark, than caught in the sun.”
He’d rather be left in the dark, than caught in the sun.
So deep.
Deep diving…
I’d rather deep dive in his mind.
I wanna deep dive in his mind – Badly.
Deeply bad.
Fuck.
So complex.
So intricate.
So introvert and mysterious.
I want it.
I want in.
I want in it soooo fucking bad.
You haven’t a clue.
I can’t put this want in words.
Deep dive in his mind.
A fairytale come true.
A moonlight dream, come true.
I message him sweet somethings.
Here and there.
“Good Morning…”
“Have a splendid day…”
“Blessings…”
They wreak of cheese, and I send them.
I want to pour sweetness from his crown down.
Like syrup, like honey oozing thick.
Enough sweetness to cover his everything.
I have it.
I have it in me, dormant.
I’d say patiently waiting, but I don’t think there’s any end to this wait.
This wait is nothing but weight.
Well it’s more, but, ya know…
This weight teaches me things about myself.
Through torment.
By not dropping to rock bottom.
Or rocketing straight out a volcano.
My response to dismay teaches me.
I thank him for that.
He doesn’t know it.
But I thank him for that.
I text him “Come fuck me”, well basically.
The words I choose are more clever though.
At least I think so.
So as to not bore him.
I’m not a basic bitch.
So as to have him know his complex mind relates to mine.
I think too much, perhaps you’re thinking.
Well guess what, I do.
Thinking is vital after feeling what I feel.
Thinking is my only hope.
My only chance to create a silver lining.
Wonder is everything to me.
I text him “Slither hither…”
He knows what it means.
But does he? Do I?
He has me confused.
He even spots my confusion.
He calls it out, between the lines.
He still can’t do anything about it.
Can’t… doesn’t… won’t…
I like to stick with can’t, feels better.
I understand, as I swallow it down.
It being every complexity of this… relationship.
Calm down, not boyfriend girlfriend.
That would be out of this world, cosmic.
I’m referring to this earthly human to human “relationship”.
Soul to soul, ya know.
I message him, “Come to my chamber.”
Insinuating Love making.
True.
I want it.
I want him.
Mmmm… I want what he gives.
But it’s because that’s my only chance of anything.
Behind my insinuating words however, there’s a whole other level.
I’m really just pushing persuasion to reel him in.
So I can study him.
Spend a little time with him.
To satisfy my relentless desire.
To know him.

IN YOUR ARMS by Abby Jean

​03-13-17
In your arms.
I’m using it as a title…
In your arms.
Something that’s suddenly become vital.

I feel you.
I feel you in ocean depths.
I feel you.
Like I mean, in earth core depths.

I’m not even gonna ask.
Who you are.
Not even gonna wonder to ponder.
Why you’re here.

I know.
I know already clear and crisp.
My innate shouts assurance.
He’s the one to hold and kiss.

Flame.
Twin flame.
My heart bursts into flames.
From the look, feel, touch of you.

The touch from you.
Illuminates my existence.
Elaborates my being.
Enhances the intricates of the who that I am.

Fuck, damn, shit.
You move me to a next level.
Catch, caught, slip.
You’re angelic to my devil.

You increase vibrations in my reality.
Decrease rates of my heart’s mortality.
Mend me when you bend me.
Around your finger never to forget me.

Ugh.
I’m not even gonna ask who you are.
Fuck.
My soul knows you’re sent from the stars.

Now in your arms.
My new favourite spot to be.
Right now in your arms.
Breaths in sync, together, you and me.

BE MINE by Abby Jean

​Feb 13 ’17

Valentine.
Valentines.
Valentine or Valentines for Valentine’s.
Fuck, decide.
Valentine.
Valentine on Valentine’s.
Valentines to choose from…
But in deep feel, in light thought.
There’s only one…

Like, whom I playin?
Not myself.
At least not in these recent passed minutes.
Past minutes.
Can’t play a playa.
Heart too clever for that shit.
Heart, mind.
Soul.

Valentine, dear Valentine.
Be mine.
This Valentine’s.
Be mine.
Shine with my shine.
Jump straight in, don’t be shy.
Then my pussy you can dine.
Wine and dine.
Damn you fine…

Composing a Valentine’s poem.
Tryna be sweet with it.
But the thought of you somehow.
Makes me sour.
And by sour I mean…
Fuck, I wanna fuck you.
Fuck, I want you to fuck me.
Make Love.
I wanna make Love with you.

Your insides make me horny.
Your being, your soul.
Sapiosex at first site.
You clever fox.
So slick and smooth.
With your everything.
So comfortable.
With your everything.
With mine.

Your character.
By God, your character…
What is it with you?
Your frequency is what does it.
Your frequency, so… tuned.
So… pitch perfect.
Valentine, of all Valentines.
Be mine.
By God, be mine.

4-27-16 Love Letter

You make me reevaluate my needs in a relationship.
You make me consider being ok with the silence between the visits.
With the unknown, the mystery, the wonder.
With being in Love with you in the ethereal.
Not touching you in the physical.

I dance with you in my dreams of the night…

With Love,

AJS

NEVER KNEW by Abby Jean

Apr 22 ’16

I love you from a distance.
I never knew this was possible.
Such space between us.
Such time apart.
The bond simmers.
But the love remains consistent, persistent.

This is new.
I’m not sure what to make of this.
Intriguing.
Inspiring.
Dumbfounding.

I love you from a distance.
After days, weeks.
Of not feeling you in my arms.
Of not mingling auras, one on one.
I never knew this was possible.

I’ll take it.

04-18-16 Love Letter

You are everything that turns me on.
And nothing that turns me off.

With Love,

AJS

CIRCUMFERENCE by Abby Jean

Apr 11 ’16

You got me involved.
In your aura.
In your body.
Your heart.
With your invitations.
With your expressions of interest in me as me.
As an individual.
As a one-of-a-kind.

Your vibrations tell me your secrets though.
Silently you caution me not to feel anything for you…
I feel it.
Like you’re unsure yourself whether or not you want to be loved…
By this love.

But I struggle to silence my thoughts of you.
Swallow, digest my emotions.
Transmute my newborn Love for you.
Right back to nothingness.
Zero point energy.
Like we were just gliding along the rim of a black hole this whole time.

Destined to end the ride back at the beginning where we started.
A ferris wheel.
The ride is over.
I paid my fare, now I walk away.
The joy was merely temporary.
An illusion.
A distraction from reality.
From my historically crackled heart.

I am here again.
And I brainstorm, again.

What is the circumference of Love?